IRREPLACABLE ~ ETERNAL ~ LOVE
A commodity rareley brokered. A diamond lost in a city of Babylon.
Monday, May 21, 2012
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Is he/she really your soul mate?
Ever wonder if the person you married is REALLY your soul mate?
I married my soul mate some twenty years ago. The difference is that he died suddenly a year and a half ago and now I'm left to muster through this life literally separated from half my heart...
What prompted me to write about this topic is a recent face book post I saw about a girl who lost her husband four years ago leaving her to raise small children alone. Well, yesterday she remarried and I almost regurgitated reading all the FB comments toting their thankfulness that she was finally in love and happy again. This baffles me beyond belief! Her remarrying tells me clearly that although she loved and adored her "first" husband, he wasn't her soul mate! If he were, SHE NEVER WOULD EVEN CONSIDER FOR A SINGLE SOLITARY MOMENT to remarry. Losing a soul mate is like losing a leg; you cant replace it! Yes, you can strap on a prosthetic one and hobble around pretending its your real leg, BUT ITS NOT!
So ask yourself this: is the man or woman you married the one and only to hold your heart for all the rest of your days? And not just til death do you part? Or would you toss that cliche to the wind just because your lonely and it would be "easier" to have a companion again?
If you answered yes, well then you are not one of the few who are blessed enough to marry their soul mate. Yes you love him or her but its not a love that is irreplacable. A Love that tears at your gut at the thought of being seperated. A love that if apart, would leave you in a valley of shallow breathes all the rest of the days of your life. A love that seperated, would plant you firmly in a steady ache and longing for reunion. When God binds two hearts to become one, it is forever and not simply" till death do us part".
But if the answer was an emphatic NO and the thought of it turns your stomach and confuses the synapses in your brain, then you my friend just might be married to soul mate! A rare gift to be cherished and honored with commitment, loyalty and most of all gratitude.
If I had a nickle for every time I've heard " oh your young, you'll marry again" or "if my husband died I don't think I'd marry again because relationships are too much work" or "I'm not sure how my children would react". These telling statements are so revealing about the person saying them. They are like neon flashing confessions screaming "I DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO MARRY MY SOUL MATE". If you did, you would never say such ridiculous things, especially OUT LOUD and to a hopelessly devoted widow.
My reason for never marrying again is not because of the energy relationships take or the trials it might inadvertently bestow my children. No my reason is SOLELY because my husband is my heart, he is and always will be MY HUSBAND. God has created and commanded our love. Marriage (created by the hands of God, not man) is not a process to be repeated for convenience. Its a union of two souls created inseparable by the divine hands of God.
HE blessed Dennis and I with a love that emulates HIS undying, unwavering love for HIS children, DESPITE our separation. God reassures us that our love is timeless, eternal and that one day we will all be together again.
I married my soul mate some twenty years ago. The difference is that he died suddenly a year and a half ago and now I'm left to muster through this life literally separated from half my heart...
What prompted me to write about this topic is a recent face book post I saw about a girl who lost her husband four years ago leaving her to raise small children alone. Well, yesterday she remarried and I almost regurgitated reading all the FB comments toting their thankfulness that she was finally in love and happy again. This baffles me beyond belief! Her remarrying tells me clearly that although she loved and adored her "first" husband, he wasn't her soul mate! If he were, SHE NEVER WOULD EVEN CONSIDER FOR A SINGLE SOLITARY MOMENT to remarry. Losing a soul mate is like losing a leg; you cant replace it! Yes, you can strap on a prosthetic one and hobble around pretending its your real leg, BUT ITS NOT!
So ask yourself this: is the man or woman you married the one and only to hold your heart for all the rest of your days? And not just til death do you part? Or would you toss that cliche to the wind just because your lonely and it would be "easier" to have a companion again?
WOULD YOU REMARRY AGAIN?
There in lies the answer to the question!
If you answered yes, well then you are not one of the few who are blessed enough to marry their soul mate. Yes you love him or her but its not a love that is irreplacable. A Love that tears at your gut at the thought of being seperated. A love that if apart, would leave you in a valley of shallow breathes all the rest of the days of your life. A love that seperated, would plant you firmly in a steady ache and longing for reunion. When God binds two hearts to become one, it is forever and not simply" till death do us part".
But if the answer was an emphatic NO and the thought of it turns your stomach and confuses the synapses in your brain, then you my friend just might be married to soul mate! A rare gift to be cherished and honored with commitment, loyalty and most of all gratitude.
If I had a nickle for every time I've heard " oh your young, you'll marry again" or "if my husband died I don't think I'd marry again because relationships are too much work" or "I'm not sure how my children would react". These telling statements are so revealing about the person saying them. They are like neon flashing confessions screaming "I DON'T KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO MARRY MY SOUL MATE". If you did, you would never say such ridiculous things, especially OUT LOUD and to a hopelessly devoted widow.
My reason for never marrying again is not because of the energy relationships take or the trials it might inadvertently bestow my children. No my reason is SOLELY because my husband is my heart, he is and always will be MY HUSBAND. God has created and commanded our love. Marriage (created by the hands of God, not man) is not a process to be repeated for convenience. Its a union of two souls created inseparable by the divine hands of God.
HE blessed Dennis and I with a love that emulates HIS undying, unwavering love for HIS children, DESPITE our separation. God reassures us that our love is timeless, eternal and that one day we will all be together again.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Settling in.....
The kids have been home now for just over 6 weeks and as usual, God has exceeded my expectations! They are amazingly well adjusted, super sweet and CONTENT! Unlike their born and raised American teenage siblings, they don't need super size, neon flashing anything to make them happy. Its precious to see their eyes light up with pure awe over the simplest of things like microwave popcorn, escalators and free/open access to a stocked fridge. Why just yesterday I gave them each a dollar to put in their piggy banks and you would have thought I handed them a bar of gold. So very thankful and purely genuine! It so obvious that the holy spirit dwells comfortably in their souls. They never anger, their tongues never sharp and they always want to help when they see anyone in need. Whether it be a little sister struggling to lug her scooter up the driveway or a tired mama cleaning the kitchen for the fifth time that day. They eagerly and willing want to help others. OLDER CHILD ADOPTION IS UNDER RATED! I was leery that the kids would need a lot of help getting adjusted and had braced my self for the text book struggles thwarted by countless other testimonies. But to date, I have to say they have been pure blessings and I wouldn't change a thing, no regrets!
As I write this however, I'm reminded of a post I did regarding the first 6 weeks after the adoption of Ellie Grace. I recall toting the praise of this perfect child and how Dennis and I were both so amazed how easy she was. A six month old who barely cried, never spit up but just cooed and smiled incessantly. We both wondered why God had blessed us with a perfect child and that we felt so undeserving of little Ellie Grace. Then tragically God showed ME the plan he had drawn for our family. that He had filled my arms with this perfect little love because He was calling Dennis home and new that my broken heart wouldn't survive without the healing love of precious Ellie Grace. His gift to me, a band aid for the wound that was to come just three short months after her arrival. The single most beautiful gift I have ever known. A gift that kept my legs moving and my lungs grasping for air so I could continue this walk in the valley for my children. A twisted gift of the most precious kind.
And now, with the addition of two more amazing children into our family, I cant help but wonder what Gods up to this time. Prayerfully Hes gentle. He knows my heart and that I cant weather more fatal sanctification. But for now I savor the blessings he gave me with every smile and hug from ALL my precious kiddos!
God is good, ALL THE TIME!
As I write this however, I'm reminded of a post I did regarding the first 6 weeks after the adoption of Ellie Grace. I recall toting the praise of this perfect child and how Dennis and I were both so amazed how easy she was. A six month old who barely cried, never spit up but just cooed and smiled incessantly. We both wondered why God had blessed us with a perfect child and that we felt so undeserving of little Ellie Grace. Then tragically God showed ME the plan he had drawn for our family. that He had filled my arms with this perfect little love because He was calling Dennis home and new that my broken heart wouldn't survive without the healing love of precious Ellie Grace. His gift to me, a band aid for the wound that was to come just three short months after her arrival. The single most beautiful gift I have ever known. A gift that kept my legs moving and my lungs grasping for air so I could continue this walk in the valley for my children. A twisted gift of the most precious kind.
And now, with the addition of two more amazing children into our family, I cant help but wonder what Gods up to this time. Prayerfully Hes gentle. He knows my heart and that I cant weather more fatal sanctification. But for now I savor the blessings he gave me with every smile and hug from ALL my precious kiddos!
God is good, ALL THE TIME!
Monday, April 2, 2012
The Story Continues, IN JESUS NAME!
Received the final approval for the adoption of k and k on the 26th and was on a plane headed their way by the 28th! They were surprised to see us. 
We've had a busy couple of days but one of the highlights was meeting the kids uncle and family. He truly loves the kids and after their parents passed away he made the heart breaking decision to put them in orphan care. Then without interruption, continued to visit them each month. Today they invited us to their home for a dinner prepared by his wife. Their hospitality was precious in that they have so little yet they still wanted to share. The uncle presented Kidus with a necklace that once belong to Kidus father and gave Kalkidan a pair of earrings that were her mothers. He had kept these items to pass on to them once k and k were grown. You could see the ache on his and his wifes face as they said, what could possibly be, their forever goodbyes. I pray that part of Gods amazing plan, is to quell the pain of separation and transform our salutations to " see you soon"
We've had a busy couple of days but one of the highlights was meeting the kids uncle and family. He truly loves the kids and after their parents passed away he made the heart breaking decision to put them in orphan care. Then without interruption, continued to visit them each month. Today they invited us to their home for a dinner prepared by his wife. Their hospitality was precious in that they have so little yet they still wanted to share. The uncle presented Kidus with a necklace that once belong to Kidus father and gave Kalkidan a pair of earrings that were her mothers. He had kept these items to pass on to them once k and k were grown. You could see the ache on his and his wifes face as they said, what could possibly be, their forever goodbyes. I pray that part of Gods amazing plan, is to quell the pain of separation and transform our salutations to " see you soon"
Taken at the home of k and k's uncles
Gods love and mercy is abundant and for that, I am eternally grateful!!!
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Siler News
Adoption Update ~ No new news to report. Still waiting for the Embassy to give us the green light to travel and bring the newest Siler kids home. We are packed and ready to go. Should be any day now!
Home Front Update ~ House is for sale. Looking to move to a warmer climate. I need sunshine more now than ever. I"m suffering from a severe vitamin D (dennis) deficiency :0)
Home Front Update ~ House is for sale. Looking to move to a warmer climate. I need sunshine more now than ever. I"m suffering from a severe vitamin D (dennis) deficiency :0)
Ellie is forming sentences, counting to 15 and POTTY TRAINED! Everyday she amazes me with her relentless sweet love.
Christian is enjoying 9th grade and is keeping his grades up despite his busy social calendar. He's been invited to the prom so we will be reserving a tuxedo and buying flowers in the coming days.
Zack is pondering attending YWAM Kona's 5 month program or joining the Air National Guard. Hes torn between the two. Praying God points him in the right direction. He's at such a tough age now trying to launch into a world so complicated. 
Me.... well just me. Waiting for a deep breath. One filled with the life giving oxygen my soul craves. Longing to hear our saviour say "It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the Beginning and the End. I will give of the fountain of the water of life freely to him who thirsts". Rev 21:6
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
Friday, December 23, 2011
Returned from Ethiopia recently where we met the kids and attended court for their adoption. We passed court and are now anxiously awaiting a call from the department of state authorizing us to travel for our embassy appointment and bring the kids home! It just doesnt seem right leaving them in the orphanage when they legally and spiritually belong with us. Praying that we receive the travel call SOON! They are amazing. God is amazing! His plan, painful yet perfect.
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Also traveled to visit Ellie's birth family. Four hour drive in a van then rented motor bikes for a 30 minute ride on dirt roads to the village. Amazing people and honored to call them family!
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
L~I~F~E
Crew playing b ball in the drive way
Crew hiding from camera
Ellies first hay ride
Zack at the pumpkin patch
Ellies first hair appointment (getting extensions)
Beautiful new hair do!
Ellies first bike ride with mama
Jamie had his bike repainted in honor of DenIn an attempt to "simplify" life, we recently gave our gold fish to the pet store, gave one of our dogs away to a friend and when our remaining dog leaves for doggy heaven (shes 16 years old), NO MORE PETS!
Also, the boys and I have been planning an extended vacation. Perhaps a long term lease somewhere with loads of sunshine and ocean. Not sure exactly the plan since we still have a couple of really important things up in the air. Most importantly, we hope to travel soon for the adoption of k and k and then more recently, Zack's decision to attend a 5 month program in DTS (discipleship training school) with YWAM in Ethiopia.
Still miss our Dennis every minute of every day. In everything we do as a family, the void created by his absence, screams heartache. So busy I stay, trying to fill our days with things that quell the sadness and hurry the days
Sustained by GRACE!
Monday, September 19, 2011
Seems like just yesterday......
It's been a year of dying to self. A year of gut wrenching suffering marked by the loneliest of lonely. A velvet blanket of sorrow coiled into hours, days and now a year of existence.
Yet woven into the anguish, HE continues to stitch sweet gifts wrapped in divine love, mercy and relentless grace.
Let me begin by explaining that this story of sanctification, is not penned by me. I am simply the vehicle in which the story is bound. If I were at the helm of this twisted tale, I certainly would not have written a story ripe with heartache and loss. My story would have been an expose on the shiny lifeless things of this world and the fleeting satisfaction they bring. No, this tragic story of love and loss has been sketched by the steady hand of our lord and saviour. And for this, I am eternally grateful.
From the ashes.......... Time after time, like salve to a gaping would, He has bathed us in reassurance and hope. All the while collecting the shattered pieces of our existence, reassembling our hearts and changing the coordinates of our lives.
If you recall, in a past post I eluded to our evolving family portrait?
"Gods plan for a beautiful union of broken and tattered souls. A melding of lives and hearts designed to complete His will with colorful illustrations of mercy, and unyielding love. Each of us, brought together in a bouquet of withering lilies, still splattered with the mud from our walks in the valley, yet stretched upward and taut, reaching desperately for the warmth of the sun provided by the heavens".
And so it is, despite it all, HE again reveals his masterful and PERFECT plan.
It's been a year of dying to self. A year of gut wrenching suffering marked by the loneliest of lonely. A velvet blanket of sorrow coiled into hours, days and now a year of existence.
Yet woven into the anguish, HE continues to stitch sweet gifts wrapped in divine love, mercy and relentless grace.
Let me begin by explaining that this story of sanctification, is not penned by me. I am simply the vehicle in which the story is bound. If I were at the helm of this twisted tale, I certainly would not have written a story ripe with heartache and loss. My story would have been an expose on the shiny lifeless things of this world and the fleeting satisfaction they bring. No, this tragic story of love and loss has been sketched by the steady hand of our lord and saviour. And for this, I am eternally grateful.
From the ashes.......... Time after time, like salve to a gaping would, He has bathed us in reassurance and hope. All the while collecting the shattered pieces of our existence, reassembling our hearts and changing the coordinates of our lives.
If you recall, in a past post I eluded to our evolving family portrait?
"Gods plan for a beautiful union of broken and tattered souls. A melding of lives and hearts designed to complete His will with colorful illustrations of mercy, and unyielding love. Each of us, brought together in a bouquet of withering lilies, still splattered with the mud from our walks in the valley, yet stretched upward and taut, reaching desperately for the warmth of the sun provided by the heavens".
And so it is, despite it all, HE again reveals his masterful and PERFECT plan.
HE has convicted my heart, cleared the path and shown us the beautiful faces of two little flowers that belong in our family portrait.Some, those deeply rooted in this world, did not have hearts that leaped for joy when I told them what God was up to. Instead, they defaulted to words of caution. Warning me to consider finances and the infancy of our grief. I appreciated their concern and even considered their advice (for a split second). But God quickly and boldly stifled the chatter and cleared the way. Reminding me that following His will is never nice and tidy. It never looks like a 401K or investment portfolio. No, His treasure is in the hearts of His children.
And so it is that another chapter begins. Not a chapter without our Dennis, but because of him. With hearts filled with cherished memories, and lessons of love taught by his beautiful spirit, OUR story continues.
In Christ,
Tracy
My Dennis, my heart aches desperately without you.
I long to see you again, to hold you again.
I am forever yours.
Til we meet again my LOVE.........
Saturday, September 3, 2011
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