DNR sent me these photos, from the "scene"This is the place MY LOVE forever left this earth ........ to be eternally with his heavenly father.
We will be planting shade loving bulbs around the tree this weekend and already carved a heart in the bark of the tree. Just a small tribute to an amazing, amazing man.
The day before THE DAY will forever be etched in my mind. The day I should have loved more, better, longer. I wish I knew then, what I feel now. I wish I had savoured EVERY MOMENT and took nothing for granted. You never know when that kiss.... that kiss, will be your last.
A couple of years ago, early in the morning, I observed my neighbor walk her husband to his car, embrace him with hug, practically climb in his car window for a goodbye kiss then stand waving goodbye as he drove up the street until he was clearly out of sight. I thought this a bit much at the time but assumed he must be leaving for an extended business trip. Then the next morning, I observed the same routine, then again and again. Apparently, this is how she loves. She cherishes every moment with her husband. Her motivation for loving so intensely became dramatically more clear when I learned that, several years before moving to my neighborhood, she had lost her daughter to cancer. Perhaps that's when she learned to love so radically, I'm not sure. But having now gone through a similar heart loss, I totally get where shes coming from. A behaviour I once judged as odd, has now become a model for me.
So even today, as I trudge through this dark dark season, I can see amazing lessons woven discreetly into the fabric of my loss. I'm awe struck that my saviour loves me so much, that He has chosen to walk me through one of the hardest things a mortal can endure. He gave me my love, then took him away, all the while holding my hand, crying with me but knowing that in the end, my heart will be sanctified and my eyes truly open to His will. Thank you Jesus for caring so much for me, to take me on this journey.
Glory be to God in the HIGHEST!
I am so sorry to hear about your husband. I was sitting here rereading my blog as I was dwelling in self pity about not having a referral. I happened upon your post last summer on my blog and went to your blog. Your loss really puts life in perspective for everyone.
ReplyDeleteTracy, I am sorry for your loss. Your words are very honest. I understand how you feel and the exact moment you realize just how much someone means to you when they are gone. I absolutely have no doubt how much Dennis loved you, it is so revealing in your pictures. I do have this kind of relentless love that you would give every moment to cherish....I also know you were the last blessed and comforting thought on his mind, perhaps how much he loved you and wished he could spend just one more second with you, I do know this in my heart. God will ease your sorrow soon and we are praying for you and your boys and baby Ellie. What an absolute gift you have for writing and expressing your feelings...you are an inspiration to me and make me look around and be grateful for all I have at this exact moment..not just to take for granted special moments will be there tomorrow. God bless your family.
ReplyDeleteTKG NM
Tracy-Sorry you are going through this journey, but through your words and heart, you will help so many. Your faith is something that many of us can only aspire to have.
ReplyDeleteTracy I am so inspired by your faith, and am honored to know you. You and Dennis were truly blessed to have found each other. Love and prayers and thoughts continue from me to you. xoxoxo
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