Over the past six months, as I trudged through this valley of shadows, I have prayed desperately for God to bring mercy and peace to my broken heart. And much to my surprise, He has done just that, however by means I certainly NEVER expected!

Let me begin with sharing with you that at one point, while wrapped in grief, I resigned my self to the fact that God alone was not enough to bandage my anguished soul. This, I concluded as I labored day in and day out, begging for reprieve, to no avail, So approximately five months into my saga, I decided to give what I call "anti gravity" medicine a try. The medicine worked very well, perhaps too well. I became a monotone robot. A vertical corpse that processed the daily task of life sufficiently and without pause. And yet somewhere buried in my subconscious, I knew that this was not how God intended me to be. That He wanted me to be available for Him emotionally. That He wanted to talk to the me He created and not the zombie I had willfully made myself. I was disconnected on so many levels and was missing out on a gift that was designed to teach me and show me His heart.

As a result, in another huge dose of irony, I found myself longing for my old broken self. The one who cried incessantly, smiled rarely but loved intensely and longed for my Saviour. So I jumped off the medicines and after about three days, I was back! Back with a new perspective on my "situation" and appreciative of natural God given emotions.

I know to many this sounds odd, but today the sorrow I once ran from, I now embrace. I don't ever want to be living happily ever after. For my happily ever after resides solely in the Kingdom of Heaven and so it is that my days on this earth are forever committed to Him alone! I pray that I always swim against the tide and with every hurdle along the way, I surface loving Him more than imaginable!

So the biggest revelation at the end of my four week journey of drug induced contentment was this. That I pray with every ounce of my heart "Lord, if a life filled with sorrow and anguish keeps me close to you, then I gladly stay rooted here. I will endure any and all that you have. I want to stay next to you and never let go of your gentle hand. Lord if a life of ease will distract me from you, for even a moment of time, I don't want it! Keep me nestled in your arms, let me suffer and see your glory in all that is yours".

I clearly prefer my life walk over one that wreaks of prosperity, abundance and contentment. For it is hear that I have learned eternal lessons. It is here that my eyes have been opened , that the narrow path has welcomed me home and it is here that I wish to stay!

Glory be to God in the HIGHEST!