I think I must be in God boot camp! A military style boot camp designed to break down a new recruit so he/she can be rebuilt to fit the specifications of the creator.
I have been sweetly broken, dismantled and left in a heap of mortal mess. Today, I am only a shadow of who I was 5 weeks ago. I don’t recognize the sad girl in the mirror and our HOME sweet HOME has lost its warmth and is now just a house.
Melancholy lingers in every corner of our lives. The boys and I are sporting slouched shoulders, half cocked smiles and flimsy hugs. Our feet shuffle at aged pace and despite my efforts to “connect four”, detachment seems to be winning the game. I know it’s early…. Just five weeks old, but when every minute of every day feels like an eternity, I cant help but wish that we were further along in this “PROCESS”.
I cling to His promise that this whole life shattering mess, is not a mistake but rather part of His perfect plan. A divine design that tragically requires my family to endure extreme suffering. I pray that God guides us along the way, shows us every aspect of this radical transformation so that we can reap the benefits of every morsel and squander nothing!
Tracy, you have no idea how much you are ministering to those who are following your blog. God is with you.
ReplyDeleteI never experienced this kind of thing first-hand but I remember lots of stories about my grandmother, my mom, aunts & uncle after my grandfather passed away. It was just her and 6 young childen. She took that time to grieve, then she picked up the pieces and focused on her children by spending lots of quality time by getting them (and herself) out of the house.
ReplyDeleteYou and your boys (and Elie) must support one another in this time of grief. I'm so sorry you all have to go through this but just remember God's plan will be revealed sooner or later. Just hold-fast to his unchanging hand!
Dennis is surely be missed!
In case you're wondering "Who the heck are you?!" I'm one of Dennis' coworkers at DOS.