Monday, January 3, 2011



15 weeks......


I wonder how many more weeks before the anguish subsides? How do you live with half a heart? I'm on life support and the sole source of my survival is gently provided by our Lord and Savior. He holds me, He catches my every tear and has sobbed along side me every single day since September 20th.


ALL of my hope, ALL of my dreams are in His presence. I have been shattered yet piece by piece, he is reassembling me for the glory of His kingdom. I know nothing more than HE is all I need. This world has lost all appeal. Life is not living but yet simply a transitional state of waiting and longing to be delivered in to His arms. I SEE now like NEVER before. Amazed by his kindness, overwhelmed by His mercy and desperate to live perfectly in His grace.


Please dont misunderstand. Just because I have no zeal for mortal life, does not mean I'm depressed. I'm simply suffering from the raw clarity brought on by being thrown into this dark valley. It is through suffering that He teaches and by this, we learn so much more than we ever could imagine. I feel blessed that He loves me enough to walk me through this despair, to have filled my arms before the journey began and to have rescued my love from the weight of this world. HIS GRACE has been so plentiful and for that, I am eternally grateful!

And so it is, that until He calls my name,


I remain on bended knee,


anchored in His promise

2 comments:

  1. The words you write are simply amazing...as if I can almost feel your pain and yet after every sentence there is hope. I am in awe of how you cling to your Heavenly Father for the gifts that only He can give. He is faithful and He will restore all things.

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  2. I found your blog on the Bethany Ethiopia forum. We're waiting to adopt from Ethiopia. I visit your blog about once a week, and I pray for you and your kids every time I stop by. 2010 was a hard year for us too, but I cannot begin to compare it to what you have been through. I have no idea of what your pain feels like. I hope that you can feel God's presence and love during this year.

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